Typewriting my life stories"When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen"
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Danke Germany!
Life in transit
To start with my 7 days journey that I had in Germany, I would like to tell you that my personal experience might not be the same to anyone visiting or living in Germany, but for the first time I am excited to share this huge experience that shaped my thoughts and made me realize what life really is outside my environment or circle of belonging.
My voyage was quite challenging yet adventurous. I remember before I took off to Germany, I was stressed and afraid of the unknown and the whole idea of being a complete sojourner in a sojourn land. But I swallowed my fear and took the risk anyway because I had to go there for checking out something and making my mind clear. So, I got on the plane and flew to Athens then to Germany. The first day I arrived at the airport, the first thing I had in mind was to get a train to take me to Darmstadt and then to Dieburg, the place that I stayed for 6 days. The airport was really crowded, and people from every country had come to the airport. Some to stay and some to go.
Too many faces from too many countries, it was too new to me in a nice way and staring in amazement in another way. And what caught my attention was this busy atmosphere around me. Everyone had something to do, somewhere to go, someone to see. This so called “busy syndrome” was infectious to an extent that it wasn’t pleasant at all and was causing a great irritation that I wanted to get out from.
Although this infection has been spread to almost everywhere in the world, but finding it irritative more than usual, I had the feeling that I should turn back to my birthplace. That wasn’t truly what I wanted, because everything about Germany seemed fairytale. The nature, the buildings, the food, the lifestyle; all seemed so good, but were I willing to live and study there? I don’t think it’s up to my standard to live in a place like that, and ALONE!
During my stay in Germany, I had the chance to meet new people, eat new food, visit new shops, and enjoy the sound of the nature. This was the most amazing part of my visit to Germany. And I wish I could visit again, just to refresh my self and continue my joy in the place where I left it. My nostalgia has waned now that I’m keeping myself busy all the time, but I admit, there is an uncertain voice that says “you should have gone there. It might have been better than where I’m standing today”.
Goodbye Germany, goodbye Dieburg. You have been nice to me. Not sure you’ll be nice to me for my next visit (if God wills). I hope I’ll have the chance to visit you under better circumstances.
To start with my 7 days journey that I had in Germany, I would like to tell you that my personal experience might not be the same to anyone visiting or living in Germany, but for the first time I am excited to share this huge experience that shaped my thoughts and made me realize what life really is outside my environment or circle of belonging.
My voyage was quite challenging yet adventurous. I remember before I took off to Germany, I was stressed and afraid of the unknown and the whole idea of being a complete sojourner in a sojourn land. But I swallowed my fear and took the risk anyway because I had to go there for checking out something and making my mind clear. So, I got on the plane and flew to Athens then to Germany. The first day I arrived at the airport, the first thing I had in mind was to get a train to take me to Darmstadt and then to Dieburg, the place that I stayed for 6 days. The airport was really crowded, and people from every country had come to the airport. Some to stay and some to go.
Too many faces from too many countries, it was too new to me in a nice way and staring in amazement in another way. And what caught my attention was this busy atmosphere around me. Everyone had something to do, somewhere to go, someone to see. This so called “busy syndrome” was infectious to an extent that it wasn’t pleasant at all and was causing a great irritation that I wanted to get out from.
Although this infection has been spread to almost everywhere in the world, but finding it irritative more than usual, I had the feeling that I should turn back to my birthplace. That wasn’t truly what I wanted, because everything about Germany seemed fairytale. The nature, the buildings, the food, the lifestyle; all seemed so good, but were I willing to live and study there? I don’t think it’s up to my standard to live in a place like that, and ALONE!
During my stay in Germany, I had the chance to meet new people, eat new food, visit new shops, and enjoy the sound of the nature. This was the most amazing part of my visit to Germany. And I wish I could visit again, just to refresh my self and continue my joy in the place where I left it. My nostalgia has waned now that I’m keeping myself busy all the time, but I admit, there is an uncertain voice that says “you should have gone there. It might have been better than where I’m standing today”.
Goodbye Germany, goodbye Dieburg. You have been nice to me. Not sure you’ll be nice to me for my next visit (if God wills). I hope I’ll have the chance to visit you under better circumstances.
My Love's Promise
It was in Autumn, my Love was on His way to me.
I was impatiently standing at the window, waiting for my Love to stumble into my house.
My steadfast house was ready to greet my Love, so when He enters, He will fill it with sweet fragrance of clematis and oriental lilies.
The countrymen snored with disgrace saying, “what Love you utter of, when He had not breathed in your house?”
But what do you know about my Love, i say.
My Love whom you do not know of, is the dark’s warrior, wolf hunter, wild lion, pledge fulfiller, good shepherd, innocent lamb; He is and will remain.
They belittled every word i uttered, every reality that seemed so delusional to them.
Truly i say, my Love is the greatest love that no man can have without knowing It.
But i will keep proclaiming about my Love even when they are against the things i say about Him.
My Love surrounds me in the midst of the untamed woodland and takes me by my hand and whispers to my ear, “I will not forsake you; you are mine and I dwell in you”.
My Love dresses me a new white cloth and wreaths my hair with daisies.
My Love carries me into the forest, far up the hills, and tells me how beautiful i am, how precious i am to my Love.
Although my Love was with me, in my heart i was afraid of the dark.
I heard the sound of the wolves, cursing me repeatedly, “you foolish little girl, do you believe that this Man you love will save you? He bluffs by offering you wonderful promises”.
I felt alone. I went to seek my Love in the forest, but i could not find.
The curse kept chasing me. I could not tolerate it.
I fell on the ground, pressing my ears with my hands, crying for my Love to come and save me from the curse that fell upon me.
I saw a light far from the place where i stand, reaching closer to me.
It was my Love’s face that i peered and my heart went gay, for my heart knew my Love wouldn't leave me for my heart belonged to Him.
My Love came and embraced my weak soul and my heart felt the warmth of His love and said with certainty in His sovereignty, “I will not leave you in the wolves’ den chained, I will burst through like a roaring lion”.
It was in Spring, my Love was waiting for me across the field full of tulips.
He was telling me to run with Him and lay down in the grass.
Oh, how i wish to spring every day like this day, so i can enjoy every moment of my life with my Love forever. Amen :)
Also available on:
medium.com/@patil.kalfayan/the-lovers-promise-cd1b9cba4067#.4asidqkuk
I was impatiently standing at the window, waiting for my Love to stumble into my house.
My steadfast house was ready to greet my Love, so when He enters, He will fill it with sweet fragrance of clematis and oriental lilies.
The countrymen snored with disgrace saying, “what Love you utter of, when He had not breathed in your house?”
But what do you know about my Love, i say.
My Love whom you do not know of, is the dark’s warrior, wolf hunter, wild lion, pledge fulfiller, good shepherd, innocent lamb; He is and will remain.
They belittled every word i uttered, every reality that seemed so delusional to them.
Truly i say, my Love is the greatest love that no man can have without knowing It.
But i will keep proclaiming about my Love even when they are against the things i say about Him.
My Love surrounds me in the midst of the untamed woodland and takes me by my hand and whispers to my ear, “I will not forsake you; you are mine and I dwell in you”.
My Love dresses me a new white cloth and wreaths my hair with daisies.
My Love carries me into the forest, far up the hills, and tells me how beautiful i am, how precious i am to my Love.
Although my Love was with me, in my heart i was afraid of the dark.
I heard the sound of the wolves, cursing me repeatedly, “you foolish little girl, do you believe that this Man you love will save you? He bluffs by offering you wonderful promises”.
I felt alone. I went to seek my Love in the forest, but i could not find.
The curse kept chasing me. I could not tolerate it.
I fell on the ground, pressing my ears with my hands, crying for my Love to come and save me from the curse that fell upon me.
I saw a light far from the place where i stand, reaching closer to me.
It was my Love’s face that i peered and my heart went gay, for my heart knew my Love wouldn't leave me for my heart belonged to Him.
My Love came and embraced my weak soul and my heart felt the warmth of His love and said with certainty in His sovereignty, “I will not leave you in the wolves’ den chained, I will burst through like a roaring lion”.
It was in Spring, my Love was waiting for me across the field full of tulips.
He was telling me to run with Him and lay down in the grass.
Oh, how i wish to spring every day like this day, so i can enjoy every moment of my life with my Love forever. Amen :)
Also available on:
medium.com/@patil.kalfayan/the-lovers-promise-cd1b9cba4067#.4asidqkuk
Who Am I?
In the process of knowing You, i am knowing who i really am.
The old imprinted wounds do not define me, but by knowing You i know who i am.
My fears and weaknesses that i hide sacredly only You know them. You reach out to the most deepest feelings that i can’t speak of by words. You know my heart and what it yearns. You know my past and my future. My whole life is in your hands. It is true that you are molding me. Though it is a bit hurtful but the final piece will come out just perfectly. I did not know myself before i met You. I was indifferent. But it was in the process of seeking and knowing You, that i began to know myself. I understood who i was and who You want me to become.
I fell into a trap many times and lost my way back to You but You couldn’t bear to see me fall every time and neither did You leave me there, rather You pulled me out from the pit i had fallen into. You knew i needed someone to save me from all this misery i had placed myself into. The sudden feel of guilt, being unloved, low morality and self-esteem had me restrained and led me to the path of destruction. What i have done in the past is unforgettable and might be unforgivable to those who don’t know You, but it’s a process; a process of finding ourselves. Every phase i go through, i find myself a little more and along with it comes pain more and more. But without pain, how can i learn to become myself- the person i am destined to be.
How can i stand still in my faith and protect my true identity that You gave me- the day i came and gave myself to You. How can i let that precious gift shatter in front of Your enemies when You called me to keep it and use it well. Oh redeemer of my soul and the giver of life, You know my sufferings, You know my heart, I plead You to take it all in Your hands because i can’t fight against the world without You. I know it’s a process of learning things i have not known and experiencing things i have not experienced before, knowing that the transitions You did in my life till now are the outset of the next biggest transformations yet to come.
It’s hard Lord. It’s so hard to move on when there is something pulling me down but i know You never fail to rescue me with Your love and grace. I got hurt again. But i know that’s just another lesson to know myself more since what i know now is very little. Very little do i know about myself. But You know me very well and You are preparing me to become the woman You have drawn in your mind. I promised myself to follow You, but little did i commit to do so. Instead, i was carried away by the world and it’s offerings. Despite disobeying Your word and distrusting the great plans You have for me, and blaming You for the mistakes i have brought upon myself, You loved me, saved me, healed me, helped me, protected me, blessed me, stayed with me even at times when i accused You for my mistakes. You spoke to me many times when i kept ignoring and doing what i pleased. My stubborn heart caused catastrophe and sudden shift in my identity that made me realize how weak i stood in front of Satan. I felt defeated. But You embraced me with Your love and grace. You bathe me from every bad thoughts that took control of my head and made me new again.
You have never given up on me, though i have broken Your promises many times turning my back to You. Your love comforts me. Your power strengthens me. Your faithfulness gives courage. Your patience disciplines me. Your consistency in pouring out love amazes me and makes me wanting to be like You. You amaze us with Your unfailing love that no human mind can conceive. It’s far beyond our understanding, but once we do understand, we will cover our faces with our hands and feel ashamed of our sins, and yet Your boundless mercy will again hurl them into the sea of forgetfulness.
medium.com/@patil.kalfayan/who-am-i-ef00d3d5f366#.d5acfp78x
The old imprinted wounds do not define me, but by knowing You i know who i am.
My fears and weaknesses that i hide sacredly only You know them. You reach out to the most deepest feelings that i can’t speak of by words. You know my heart and what it yearns. You know my past and my future. My whole life is in your hands. It is true that you are molding me. Though it is a bit hurtful but the final piece will come out just perfectly. I did not know myself before i met You. I was indifferent. But it was in the process of seeking and knowing You, that i began to know myself. I understood who i was and who You want me to become.
I fell into a trap many times and lost my way back to You but You couldn’t bear to see me fall every time and neither did You leave me there, rather You pulled me out from the pit i had fallen into. You knew i needed someone to save me from all this misery i had placed myself into. The sudden feel of guilt, being unloved, low morality and self-esteem had me restrained and led me to the path of destruction. What i have done in the past is unforgettable and might be unforgivable to those who don’t know You, but it’s a process; a process of finding ourselves. Every phase i go through, i find myself a little more and along with it comes pain more and more. But without pain, how can i learn to become myself- the person i am destined to be.
How can i stand still in my faith and protect my true identity that You gave me- the day i came and gave myself to You. How can i let that precious gift shatter in front of Your enemies when You called me to keep it and use it well. Oh redeemer of my soul and the giver of life, You know my sufferings, You know my heart, I plead You to take it all in Your hands because i can’t fight against the world without You. I know it’s a process of learning things i have not known and experiencing things i have not experienced before, knowing that the transitions You did in my life till now are the outset of the next biggest transformations yet to come.
It’s hard Lord. It’s so hard to move on when there is something pulling me down but i know You never fail to rescue me with Your love and grace. I got hurt again. But i know that’s just another lesson to know myself more since what i know now is very little. Very little do i know about myself. But You know me very well and You are preparing me to become the woman You have drawn in your mind. I promised myself to follow You, but little did i commit to do so. Instead, i was carried away by the world and it’s offerings. Despite disobeying Your word and distrusting the great plans You have for me, and blaming You for the mistakes i have brought upon myself, You loved me, saved me, healed me, helped me, protected me, blessed me, stayed with me even at times when i accused You for my mistakes. You spoke to me many times when i kept ignoring and doing what i pleased. My stubborn heart caused catastrophe and sudden shift in my identity that made me realize how weak i stood in front of Satan. I felt defeated. But You embraced me with Your love and grace. You bathe me from every bad thoughts that took control of my head and made me new again.
You have never given up on me, though i have broken Your promises many times turning my back to You. Your love comforts me. Your power strengthens me. Your faithfulness gives courage. Your patience disciplines me. Your consistency in pouring out love amazes me and makes me wanting to be like You. You amaze us with Your unfailing love that no human mind can conceive. It’s far beyond our understanding, but once we do understand, we will cover our faces with our hands and feel ashamed of our sins, and yet Your boundless mercy will again hurl them into the sea of forgetfulness.
medium.com/@patil.kalfayan/who-am-i-ef00d3d5f366#.d5acfp78x
The Heart's Lullaby
“Oh faithful heart, what went wrong?
What caused you to live like a hermit in filthy world?
Oh golden heart, why drift in misery, when you have wings to skim you above the waters to breathe peacefully?
Why waste your sweet youthful times on ravaged hearts, when all you need is consolation?
The Heart’s Message:
I came to finally rest from all the scandals, all the grief that came along with my life.
I became a comrade of my sorrow.
I spent nights sob in tranquil just to feel at ease.
I sought liberty, love and happiness in crowded places, but in vain.
I found myself uninvited when I thought I was.
I have been a witness and a victim of all horrifying deeds.
I started to lose my strength every time I was afflicted by the strikes that stay forever indelible.
The Creator’s Message:
I am all mighty creator of all creations, tell me, why are you sad?
Why harm yourself because of some fool hearts who constantly aim to drag you into their world?
My dear heart, don’t feel desolated, for I am your creator, you are valued.
I shall never let detrimental, dull-witted hearts cause you trouble.
For the day will come, I will hold you in the palm of my hand and be the asylum of your undying soul.
I shall forever carry and bathe your puny heart.
I am all mighty creator of all creations, reveal to me, reveal your sorrow so I can heal you.
My pitiful heart, you are lost within this unfortunate world, trying to save yourself.
My fearful heart, I feel sorry for you.
I look upon you with grief when you search for comfort and affection.
I see the strident agony that speaks through your eyes, but fear no more, for the day will come, I will cure you from your sufferings.
Oh treasured heart, how can you let the moon and the starts above steal your laughter, and leave you mourn in the dark?
How can you be all night drunk in oppression and cool in daytime?
Oh moanful heart, why let the pillow shares your days of despair, while your friends share your smile?
Why let your weepy heart lull at sweet breezy nights, when it yearns to avow?”
Check out more writings on:
medium.com/me/stories/public
What caused you to live like a hermit in filthy world?
Oh golden heart, why drift in misery, when you have wings to skim you above the waters to breathe peacefully?
Why waste your sweet youthful times on ravaged hearts, when all you need is consolation?
The Heart’s Message:
I came to finally rest from all the scandals, all the grief that came along with my life.
I became a comrade of my sorrow.
I spent nights sob in tranquil just to feel at ease.
I sought liberty, love and happiness in crowded places, but in vain.
I found myself uninvited when I thought I was.
I have been a witness and a victim of all horrifying deeds.
I started to lose my strength every time I was afflicted by the strikes that stay forever indelible.
The Creator’s Message:
I am all mighty creator of all creations, tell me, why are you sad?
Why harm yourself because of some fool hearts who constantly aim to drag you into their world?
My dear heart, don’t feel desolated, for I am your creator, you are valued.
I shall never let detrimental, dull-witted hearts cause you trouble.
For the day will come, I will hold you in the palm of my hand and be the asylum of your undying soul.
I shall forever carry and bathe your puny heart.
I am all mighty creator of all creations, reveal to me, reveal your sorrow so I can heal you.
My pitiful heart, you are lost within this unfortunate world, trying to save yourself.
My fearful heart, I feel sorry for you.
I look upon you with grief when you search for comfort and affection.
I see the strident agony that speaks through your eyes, but fear no more, for the day will come, I will cure you from your sufferings.
Oh treasured heart, how can you let the moon and the starts above steal your laughter, and leave you mourn in the dark?
How can you be all night drunk in oppression and cool in daytime?
Oh moanful heart, why let the pillow shares your days of despair, while your friends share your smile?
Why let your weepy heart lull at sweet breezy nights, when it yearns to avow?”
Check out more writings on:
medium.com/me/stories/public