Her endless life story starts in Beirut
Life in transit
To start with my 7 days journey that I had in Germany, I would like to tell you that my personal experience might not be the same to anyone visiting or living in Germany, but for the first time I am excited to share this huge experience that shaped my thoughts and made me realize what life really is outside my environment or circle of belonging. My voyage was quite challenging yet adventurous. I remember before I took off to Germany, I was stressed and afraid of the unknown and the whole idea of being a complete sojourner in a sojourn land. But I swallowed my fear and took the risk anyway because I had to go there for checking out something and making my mind clear. So, I got on the plane and flew to Athens then to Germany. The first day I arrived at the airport, the first thing I had in mind was to get a train to take me to Darmstadt and then to Dieburg, the place that I stayed for 6 days. The airport was really crowded, and people from every country had come to the airport. Some to stay and some to go. Too many faces from too many countries, it was too new to me in a nice way and staring in amazement in another way. And what caught my attention was this busy atmosphere around me. Everyone had something to do, somewhere to go, someone to see. This so called “busy syndrome” was infectious to an extent that it wasn’t pleasant at all and was causing a great irritation that I wanted to get out from. Although this infection has been spread to almost everywhere in the world, but finding it irritative more than usual, I had the feeling that I should turn back to my birthplace. That wasn’t truly what I wanted, because everything about Germany seemed fairy-tale. The nature, the buildings, the food, the lifestyle; all seemed so good, but were I willing to live and study there? I don’t think it’s up to my standard to live in a place like that, and ALONE! During my stay in Germany, I had the chance to meet new people, eat new food, visit new shops, and enjoy the sound of the nature. This was the most amazing part of my visit to Germany. And I wish I could visit again, just to refresh my self and continue my joy in the place where I left it. My nostalgia has waned now that I’m keeping myself busy all the time, but I admit, there is an uncertain voice that says “you should have gone there. It might have been better than where I’m standing today”. Goodbye Germany, goodbye Dieburg. You have been nice to me. Not sure you’ll be nice to me for my next visit (if God wills). I hope I’ll have the chance to visit you under better circumstances.
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She was standing on the cliff filled with jubilation where her barred soul poised in God's grace. A sweet hymn cradled her heart and carried her to the deepest before God's presence, surrendering unreservedly to His will.
She was soaked by the anointment of the Holy Spirit. Her rages were moved for she is no longer a daughter of men, but a daughter of the virtuous living King, the ruler of the heavens and the earth, the majesty of His mercy, the glorious splendor of His fidelity will forever dwell in her and will dress her the clothes of victory. The light cracked open through her as she haloed on the top of the mountain. Her face looked so peaceful and her sacred heart filled the place with her holiness. She was extricated from circumstances that a human being encounters with audacity, veracity, and fidelity. The sins i have committed have degraded my self like an object sold out at auction, or like an aborted child cursed by his parents the day he was made in his mother's womb. I despise myself for the malice i have done and all the tomfoolery i have spoken about. I am notorious. My personal record is unclean. I have been living in repudiation. My pride has silenced my confession about my scandalous crimes. I am despicable of my own self. I am a savage. I do not show mercy and i do not have the forgiving heart. I impute my sins upon my loved ones. I am a blasphemer. I lived in the dark. I was the one who accused and condemned her because she loved her God so much. "Who is that God she worships and prays day and night?" Yes, I envied Him; i wanted her to worship me and not her unseen God. I wanted her to love me and not her unseen God. I wanted her to spend those long nights with me and not with her unseen God. But something extraordinary happened. A speechless incident occurred at the day of her condemnation. It was called "miracle". True, i say, the woman i lusted for, had been condemned because of my obsession, but her strong faith in her God had protected her and released her from annihilation. I thought i was protecting her with my love, but i was tantalizing her instead by suppressing her from loving her own God. I drenched into the hands of the executor that covered my neck, clenching tight together, struggling to break free from the tension that nearly killed me. "how come i got so vulnerable and fragile, when i have never been?!". I have never felt like this before until this moment; everything seems so crystal-clear, that no human mind can perceive the fact that i, with all my intellectual and financial wealth and prominence, strongly feel pathetic, lily-livered, little maggot. My esteem is weak; my body is drugged with pain and despair, attempting to faint at any second. My brain is out of function, barely keeping my foot on the ground. I'm emotionless; i'm lost in the midst of nowhere trying to grab onto something or someone, knowing that will save me from my convictions, help me forget her and my crimes committed against her. "But is this really helping me forget the past? is it making me feel better? am i satisfied with my life?". "I don't know; i don't feel anything..." "The only scene that passes through my mind is her image; her long dark hair covered on her pale cheek, her speakable deep brown eyes, her sweet voice singing spiritual songs". "Oh, how i missed her". The dawn is almost here. A deep voice saying "she is alive", although it is almost impossible for me to believe that her body have had came alive from the fearsome attacks of the lion, but an earnest conviction that she is still breathing, has planted hope in me; optimism flowing from to all over me. I wish i could see her, but my soul is too weak to help me come back to my senses. "Oh, how i yearn to see her lovely face in every morning while serving us the breakfast. Oh, i wish i had been the one bitten by the lions, and not her, so she could have lived among us under the same roof and i would imagine seeing her doing her everyday chore, but it's too late now". I auctioned my soul to the slave traders as a punishment of my crimes committed so i could pay off every harm i have caused to her -- an everlasting debt for the one i loved. And i know even if she were alive, i would never see her. I would never want to cause her trouble because she is too precious to be tormented. She is my river that flows through my veins and the sound of the ripple carries me into a meadow where it seems like butterflies. At her presence, my soul is in transition. This indescribable power in her, changes all of me; transforms me into a new creation, cleanses from all kind of hideous, smuggling things covered all over my mind and my heart. She delivers me into the light, and her grace embraces me and brings joy to my soul. I loved a slave who is the bride of the King; while, I a prominent and influential politician in the senate, appear as a poignant in the silent night. My unfaithfulness against her faithfulness and my selfishness against her selflessness caused a great strike upon me, leaving me victimized. Her obedience to her King is tremendous enough that it is impossible to break their bond, so tensed that no gods, no kings, and not even the king of this world would shatter their bond of love. She chased after His love thirstily so she could be touched by His grace. Her soul embraced by His infinite mercy every time she praised Him with a new morning song that pleased Him the most. He poured His love upon her more and more and invited her into His kingdom with open arms. She shouted, "let my weak spirit dwell in your love where i shall rejoice with obedience before your presence, and be your inheritance before your throne". She seeked for His face hastily so she could fill her hunger with His beauty and feel secure in His presence. There was a strange power, unperceived and extraordinary. I paused in surprise while my knees collapsed beneath me, covering my face with my hands as a strong light spotted on me. I tried badly to stare at the light that was blurring my sight, but the light was shining even brighter so i couldn't see what was coming through. Wondering what was the thing moving through the light, I couldn't stand not knowing. So, when i challenged my eyes to see what was exactly that thing, i froze. My eyes wide open, i stared in shock murmuring in low voice "could that be real?! could it be possible?!" She said, "yes, with God, everything is possible!" She took my hands and stood me on my feet. Then, she said, "God does not forsake us; He carry us from troubles because He loves us". "God's mercy and grace saved me from death and His ultimate love protected me from evil all these times". As we sat and talked for hours, at last she asked me this one question, "now, would you follow Jesus Christ our Lord wholeheartedly?" I had to choose between clinging to my life or letting it go. But i knew deep inside i would defuse myself from this world. For the world is ruled by the devil that schemes to cover the truth with flatters and lies. Faith. She recited a verse form the Gospel, "if you have faith as small as a tiny mustard seed, you can say to this mountain 'move!' and it will go far away. Nothing will be impossible for you". Then, she said, "faith can do more than you could ever imagine; just trust the Lord Jesus Christ and believe that He is the Son of God so you shall be saved. By faith you shall see what is reasonable and inconceivable for those who do not have faith. For those who walk by sight require concrete or tangible evidence, while those who walk by faith enjoy God's grace and the gifts given freely because of relying and depending on Him and His promises made to them. I had to take a leap of faith in order to be saved. So i did. My old self is no longer alive, a new me is here ready to serve God since i reside in Jesus and He in me, we are one! and nobody, not even the prince of this world can stop e from trusting and loving my Lord forever! I witnessed the beauty of Christ's heart. So innocent, so pure. I experienced the warmth of His love and the everlasting grace flowing over me. How beautiful you are, oh mighty King, oh unyielding King. ***FIN*** Song of Solomon 4:1 "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold you are beautiful! your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead". Shatter into pieces bit by bit,
Scatter all over the pit. I am drawn in the midst of fear, Pleading someone to appear. Tell me if this is my fate, Then i pause a bit before i leave. Appa, Appa, hear me now, Please take care of my dears for now, Till the dark clouds are gone. For they will praise your name And dance till they sleep under the pine. Oh God, save me from the night thunder Because i am not able to stay up much longer. Send me through the wind to your arms, So i rejoice in your presence. The enemies are here for snatching up my flesh, So desperate to finish off and rest. I can see the rage coming out from their eyes, Waiting for that moment to arise. They have set me the prey, But i'll stand still in faith and continue to pray. Appa, Appa, hear me now, Come, assemble my pieces and make me like a spawn. Save me from filthy hands that thirst for my soul. As i lay down at your feet, I find my trust in your word that brings hope to my soul. Lord, dismay my enemies with your greatness, And take a grip on harmful attempts, For they aim to destroy me at your sight. Come and embrace me with your pure blood, To protect me from the claws of this world. You have anointed me with your grace, You have filled my emptiness with your love, You have armored all parts of me with your strength, And like David, i will fight against my enemies Because i trust in my God, The Father. "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who were too strong for me" Psalms 18:16-17 Take me to the promised land where you dwell.
Take me by my hand and lead me. I know you promised me to take me to your Holiness, Just like you promised Moses to bring your people out of the affliction of Egypt. The road is rough, and sometimes impossible to pass through. But i know you are with me, making me a way to go through. There is pain and weary through the process, But there is also a reward in the end. Take me to the place where i can see your face. Take me to the place where it doesn't recognize day and night. On the cliff, hold me still and never let me go. I surrender my plans into your hands. I submit my self to you, the fortifier of my life. Take me to the promised land where you dwell. Make me the person i am called to bring glory to your name. Take me to the place where i belong, A place higher than what i envisioned. Take me and make me grater than i am. And let me praise you in the midst of hardship as in the midst of prosperity. Your plans are good that bring hope to my soul. Make them real, oh my Lord! Take me to the place where you have promised. On the giant mountain i stand, i stand to extol you, oh Lord. Speak your plans in my parched soul, Wash all fallacious thoughts that degrade my faith and hope in your greatness. In litany i’ll remain faithful to your undone plans. Take me to the promised land where you dwell. Take me by my hand and lead me. I am oblivion without your presence in my life. For you are the keeper of my heart. It was in Autumn, my Love was on His way to me.
I was impatiently standing at the window, waiting for my Love to stumble into my house. My steadfast house was ready to greet my Love, so when He enters, He will fill it with sweet fragrance of clematis and oriental lilies. The countrymen snored with disgrace saying, “what Love you utter of, when He had not breathed in your house?” But what do you know about my Love, i say. My Love whom you do not know of, is the dark’s warrior, wolf hunter, wild lion, pledge fulfiller, good shepherd, innocent lamb; He is and will remain. They belittled every word i uttered, every reality that seemed so delusional to them. Truly i say, my Love is the greatest love that no man can have without knowing It. But i will keep proclaiming about my Love even when they are against the things i say about Him. My Love surrounds me in the midst of the untamed woodland and takes me by my hand and whispers to my ear, “I will not forsake you; you are mine and I dwell in you”. My Love dresses me a new white cloth and wreaths my hair with daisies. My Love carries me into the forest, far up the hills, and tells me how beautiful i am, how precious i am to my Love. Although my Love was with me, in my heart i was afraid of the dark. I heard the sound of the wolves, cursing me repeatedly, “you foolish little girl, do you believe that this Man you love will save you? He bluffs by offering you wonderful promises”. I felt alone. I went to seek my Love in the forest, but i could not find. The curse kept chasing me. I could not tolerate it. I fell on the ground, pressing my ears with my hands, crying for my Love to come and save me from the curse that fell upon me. I saw a light far from the place where i stand, reaching closer to me. It was my Love’s face that i peered and my heart went gay, for my heart knew my Love wouldn't leave me for my heart belonged to Him. My Love came and embraced my weak soul and my heart felt the warmth of His love and said with certainty in His sovereignty, “I will not leave you in the wolves’ den chained, I will burst through like a roaring lion”. It was in Spring, my Love was waiting for me across the field full of tulips. He was telling me to run with Him and lay down in the grass. Oh, how i wish to spring every day like this day, so i can enjoy every moment of my life with my Love forever. Amen :) Also available on: medium.com/@patil.kalfayan/the-lovers-promise-cd1b9cba4067#.4asidqkuk |
Patil KalfayanAs you can see this is my adorable Blog, where i am free to express my thoughts, feelings and ideas/information about life, fashion and faith. I love to travel and explore every part of the world. I love to discover new things, and try new things, although i seek stability and comfort at some point, but taking risk has always been a transformable challenge to me. I am ambivert and i have my own crazy world. Welcome to my Blog, hope you enjoy the stay. :) "I went through some lonely years, no one understood me, no one believed in me, no one saw what i saw, i lost friends, God took me away from my job. Then i learned that Little birds fly in flocks, but EAGLES FLY ALONE." Joyce Meyer Archives
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