Her endless life story starts in Beirut
She was standing on the cliff filled with jubilation where her barred soul poised in God's grace. A sweet hymn cradled her heart and carried her to the deepest before God's presence, surrendering unreservedly to His will.
She was soaked by the anointment of the Holy Spirit. Her rages were moved for she is no longer a daughter of men, but a daughter of the virtuous living King, the ruler of the heavens and the earth, the majesty of His mercy, the glorious splendor of His fidelity will forever dwell in her and will dress her the clothes of victory. The light cracked open through her as she haloed on the top of the mountain. Her face looked so peaceful and her sacred heart filled the place with her holiness. She was extricated from circumstances that a human being encounters with audacity, veracity, and fidelity. The sins i have committed have degraded my self like an object sold out at auction, or like an aborted child cursed by his parents the day he was made in his mother's womb. I despise myself for the malice i have done and all the tomfoolery i have spoken about. I am notorious. My personal record is unclean. I have been living in repudiation. My pride has silenced my confession about my scandalous crimes. I am despicable of my own self. I am a savage. I do not show mercy and i do not have the forgiving heart. I impute my sins upon my loved ones. I am a blasphemer. I lived in the dark. I was the one who accused and condemned her because she loved her God so much. "Who is that God she worships and prays day and night?" Yes, I envied Him; i wanted her to worship me and not her unseen God. I wanted her to love me and not her unseen God. I wanted her to spend those long nights with me and not with her unseen God. But something extraordinary happened. A speechless incident occurred at the day of her condemnation. It was called "miracle". True, i say, the woman i lusted for, had been condemned because of my obsession, but her strong faith in her God had protected her and released her from annihilation. I thought i was protecting her with my love, but i was tantalizing her instead by suppressing her from loving her own God. I drenched into the hands of the executor that covered my neck, clenching tight together, struggling to break free from the tension that nearly killed me. "how come i got so vulnerable and fragile, when i have never been?!". I have never felt like this before until this moment; everything seems so crystal-clear, that no human mind can perceive the fact that i, with all my intellectual and financial wealth and prominence, strongly feel pathetic, lily-livered, little maggot. My esteem is weak; my body is drugged with pain and despair, attempting to faint at any second. My brain is out of function, barely keeping my foot on the ground. I'm emotionless; i'm lost in the midst of nowhere trying to grab onto something or someone, knowing that will save me from my convictions, help me forget her and my crimes committed against her. "But is this really helping me forget the past? is it making me feel better? am i satisfied with my life?". "I don't know; i don't feel anything..." "The only scene that passes through my mind is her image; her long dark hair covered on her pale cheek, her speakable deep brown eyes, her sweet voice singing spiritual songs". "Oh, how i missed her". The dawn is almost here. A deep voice saying "she is alive", although it is almost impossible for me to believe that her body have had came alive from the fearsome attacks of the lion, but an earnest conviction that she is still breathing, has planted hope in me; optimism flowing from to all over me. I wish i could see her, but my soul is too weak to help me come back to my senses. "Oh, how i yearn to see her lovely face in every morning while serving us the breakfast. Oh, i wish i had been the one bitten by the lions, and not her, so she could have lived among us under the same roof and i would imagine seeing her doing her everyday chore, but it's too late now". I auctioned my soul to the slave traders as a punishment of my crimes committed so i could pay off every harm i have caused to her -- an everlasting debt for the one i loved. And i know even if she were alive, i would never see her. I would never want to cause her trouble because she is too precious to be tormented. She is my river that flows through my veins and the sound of the ripple carries me into a meadow where it seems like butterflies. At her presence, my soul is in transition. This indescribable power in her, changes all of me; transforms me into a new creation, cleanses from all kind of hideous, smuggling things covered all over my mind and my heart. She delivers me into the light, and her grace embraces me and brings joy to my soul. I loved a slave who is the bride of the King; while, I a prominent and influential politician in the senate, appear as a poignant in the silent night. My unfaithfulness against her faithfulness and my selfishness against her selflessness caused a great strike upon me, leaving me victimized. Her obedience to her King is tremendous enough that it is impossible to break their bond, so tensed that no gods, no kings, and not even the king of this world would shatter their bond of love. She chased after His love thirstily so she could be touched by His grace. Her soul embraced by His infinite mercy every time she praised Him with a new morning song that pleased Him the most. He poured His love upon her more and more and invited her into His kingdom with open arms. She shouted, "let my weak spirit dwell in your love where i shall rejoice with obedience before your presence, and be your inheritance before your throne". She seeked for His face hastily so she could fill her hunger with His beauty and feel secure in His presence. There was a strange power, unperceived and extraordinary. I paused in surprise while my knees collapsed beneath me, covering my face with my hands as a strong light spotted on me. I tried badly to stare at the light that was blurring my sight, but the light was shining even brighter so i couldn't see what was coming through. Wondering what was the thing moving through the light, I couldn't stand not knowing. So, when i challenged my eyes to see what was exactly that thing, i froze. My eyes wide open, i stared in shock murmuring in low voice "could that be real?! could it be possible?!" She said, "yes, with God, everything is possible!" She took my hands and stood me on my feet. Then, she said, "God does not forsake us; He carry us from troubles because He loves us". "God's mercy and grace saved me from death and His ultimate love protected me from evil all these times". As we sat and talked for hours, at last she asked me this one question, "now, would you follow Jesus Christ our Lord wholeheartedly?" I had to choose between clinging to my life or letting it go. But i knew deep inside i would defuse myself from this world. For the world is ruled by the devil that schemes to cover the truth with flatters and lies. Faith. She recited a verse form the Gospel, "if you have faith as small as a tiny mustard seed, you can say to this mountain 'move!' and it will go far away. Nothing will be impossible for you". Then, she said, "faith can do more than you could ever imagine; just trust the Lord Jesus Christ and believe that He is the Son of God so you shall be saved. By faith you shall see what is reasonable and inconceivable for those who do not have faith. For those who walk by sight require concrete or tangible evidence, while those who walk by faith enjoy God's grace and the gifts given freely because of relying and depending on Him and His promises made to them. I had to take a leap of faith in order to be saved. So i did. My old self is no longer alive, a new me is here ready to serve God since i reside in Jesus and He in me, we are one! and nobody, not even the prince of this world can stop e from trusting and loving my Lord forever! I witnessed the beauty of Christ's heart. So innocent, so pure. I experienced the warmth of His love and the everlasting grace flowing over me. How beautiful you are, oh mighty King, oh unyielding King. ***FIN*** Song of Solomon 4:1 "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold you are beautiful! your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead".
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Shatter into pieces bit by bit,
Scatter all over the pit. I am drawn in the midst of fear, Pleading someone to appear. Tell me if this is my fate, Then i pause a bit before i leave. Appa, Appa, hear me now, Please take care of my dears for now, Till the dark clouds are gone. For they will praise your name And dance till they sleep under the pine. Oh God, save me from the night thunder Because i am not able to stay up much longer. Send me through the wind to your arms, So i rejoice in your presence. The enemies are here for snatching up my flesh, So desperate to finish off and rest. I can see the rage coming out from their eyes, Waiting for that moment to arise. They have set me the prey, But i'll stand still in faith and continue to pray. Appa, Appa, hear me now, Come, assemble my pieces and make me like a spawn. Save me from filthy hands that thirst for my soul. As i lay down at your feet, I find my trust in your word that brings hope to my soul. Lord, dismay my enemies with your greatness, And take a grip on harmful attempts, For they aim to destroy me at your sight. Come and embrace me with your pure blood, To protect me from the claws of this world. You have anointed me with your grace, You have filled my emptiness with your love, You have armored all parts of me with your strength, And like David, i will fight against my enemies Because i trust in my God, The Father. "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who were too strong for me" Psalms 18:16-17 Take me to the promised land where you dwell.
Take me by my hand and lead me. I know you promised me to take me to your Holiness, Just like you promised Moses to bring your people out of the affliction of Egypt. The road is rough, and sometimes impossible to pass through. But i know you are with me, making me a way to go through. There is pain and weary through the process, But there is also a reward in the end. Take me to the place where i can see your face. Take me to the place where it doesn't recognize day and night. On the cliff, hold me still and never let me go. I surrender my plans into your hands. I submit my self to you, the fortifier of my life. Take me to the promised land where you dwell. Make me the person i am called to bring glory to your name. Take me to the place where i belong, A place higher than what i envisioned. Take me and make me grater than i am. And let me praise you in the midst of hardship as in the midst of prosperity. Your plans are good that bring hope to my soul. Make them real, oh my Lord! Take me to the place where you have promised. On the giant mountain i stand, i stand to extol you, oh Lord. Speak your plans in my parched soul, Wash all fallacious thoughts that degrade my faith and hope in your greatness. In litany i’ll remain faithful to your undone plans. Take me to the promised land where you dwell. Take me by my hand and lead me. I am oblivion without your presence in my life. For you are the keeper of my heart. It was in Autumn, my Love was on His way to me.
I was impatiently standing at the window, waiting for my Love to stumble into my house. My steadfast house was ready to greet my Love, so when He enters, He will fill it with sweet fragrance of clematis and oriental lilies. The countrymen snored with disgrace saying, “what Love you utter of, when He had not breathed in your house?” But what do you know about my Love, i say. My Love whom you do not know of, is the dark’s warrior, wolf hunter, wild lion, pledge fulfiller, good shepherd, innocent lamb; He is and will remain. They belittled every word i uttered, every reality that seemed so delusional to them. Truly i say, my Love is the greatest love that no man can have without knowing It. But i will keep proclaiming about my Love even when they are against the things i say about Him. My Love surrounds me in the midst of the untamed woodland and takes me by my hand and whispers to my ear, “I will not forsake you; you are mine and I dwell in you”. My Love dresses me a new white cloth and wreaths my hair with daisies. My Love carries me into the forest, far up the hills, and tells me how beautiful i am, how precious i am to my Love. Although my Love was with me, in my heart i was afraid of the dark. I heard the sound of the wolves, cursing me repeatedly, “you foolish little girl, do you believe that this Man you love will save you? He bluffs by offering you wonderful promises”. I felt alone. I went to seek my Love in the forest, but i could not find. The curse kept chasing me. I could not tolerate it. I fell on the ground, pressing my ears with my hands, crying for my Love to come and save me from the curse that fell upon me. I saw a light far from the place where i stand, reaching closer to me. It was my Love’s face that i peered and my heart went gay, for my heart knew my Love wouldn't leave me for my heart belonged to Him. My Love came and embraced my weak soul and my heart felt the warmth of His love and said with certainty in His sovereignty, “I will not leave you in the wolves’ den chained, I will burst through like a roaring lion”. It was in Spring, my Love was waiting for me across the field full of tulips. He was telling me to run with Him and lay down in the grass. Oh, how i wish to spring every day like this day, so i can enjoy every moment of my life with my Love forever. Amen :) Also available on: medium.com/@patil.kalfayan/the-lovers-promise-cd1b9cba4067#.4asidqkuk In the process of knowing You, i am knowing who i really am.
The old imprinted wounds do not define me, but by knowing You i know who i am. My fears and weaknesses that i hide sacredly only You know them. You reach out to the most deepest feelings that i can’t speak of by words. You know my heart and what it yearns. You know my past and my future. My whole life is in your hands. It is true that you are molding me. Though it is a bit hurtful but the final piece will come out just perfectly. I did not know myself before i met You. I was indifferent. But it was in the process of seeking and knowing You, that i began to know myself. I understood who i was and who You want me to become. I fell into a trap many times and lost my way back to You but You couldn’t bear to see me fall every time and neither did You leave me there, rather You pulled me out from the pit i had fallen into. You knew i needed someone to save me from all this misery i had placed myself into. The sudden feel of guilt, being unloved, low morality and self-esteem had me restrained and led me to the path of destruction. What i have done in the past is unforgettable and might be unforgivable to those who don’t know You, but it’s a process; a process of finding ourselves. Every phase i go through, i find myself a little more and along with it comes pain more and more. But without pain, how can i learn to become myself- the person i am destined to be. How can i stand still in my faith and protect my true identity that You gave me- the day i came and gave myself to You. How can i let that precious gift shatter in front of Your enemies when You called me to keep it and use it well. Oh redeemer of my soul and the giver of life, You know my sufferings, You know my heart, I plead You to take it all in Your hands because i can’t fight against the world without You. I know it’s a process of learning things i have not known and experiencing things i have not experienced before, knowing that the transitions You did in my life till now are the outset of the next biggest transformations yet to come. It’s hard Lord. It’s so hard to move on when there is something pulling me down but i know You never fail to rescue me with Your love and grace. I got hurt again. But i know that’s just another lesson to know myself more since what i know now is very little. Very little do i know about myself. But You know me very well and You are preparing me to become the woman You have drawn in your mind. I promised myself to follow You, but little did i commit to do so. Instead, i was carried away by the world and it’s offerings. Despite disobeying Your word and distrusting the great plans You have for me, and blaming You for the mistakes i have brought upon myself, You loved me, saved me, healed me, helped me, protected me, blessed me, stayed with me even at times when i accused You for my mistakes. You spoke to me many times when i kept ignoring and doing what i pleased. My stubborn heart caused catastrophe and sudden shift in my identity that made me realize how weak i stood in front of Satan. I felt defeated. But You embraced me with Your love and grace. You bathe me from every bad thoughts that took control of my head and made me new again. You have never given up on me, though i have broken Your promises many times turning my back to You. Your love comforts me. Your power strengthens me. Your faithfulness gives courage. Your patience disciplines me. Your consistency in pouring out love amazes me and makes me wanting to be like You. You amaze us with Your unfailing love that no human mind can conceive. It’s far beyond our understanding, but once we do understand, we will cover our faces with our hands and feel ashamed of our sins, and yet Your boundless mercy will again hurl them into the sea of forgetfulness. medium.com/@patil.kalfayan/who-am-i-ef00d3d5f366#.d5acfp78x |
Patil KalfayanAs you can see this is my adorable Blog, where i am free to express my thoughts, feelings and ideas/information about life, fashion and faith. I love to travel and explore every part of the world. I love to discover new things, and try new things, although i seek stability and comfort at some point, but taking risk has always been a transformable challenge to me. I am ambivert and i have my own crazy world. Welcome to my Blog, hope you enjoy the stay. :) "I went through some lonely years, no one understood me, no one believed in me, no one saw what i saw, i lost friends, God took me away from my job. Then i learned that Little birds fly in flocks, but EAGLES FLY ALONE." Joyce Meyer Archives
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